scuba zingers

[spatman]

Brian and I are walking back to the cars from the beach, and this guy asks us how deep we're gonna go. ... "All the way to the bottom!" I reply. He realized his mistake as soon as he said it.

one of my favorite replies!

one of my co-workers once asked me, "so what's the point of scuba diving?"

"to breathe underwater" i said.


what are your favorite zingers/one-liners?

[Nwbrewer]

What do you see down there?

Water.

[John Rawlings]

There are no stupid questions to answer underwater.....

[spatman]

here's another;

"what's the water like?"

"wet."

[sunnydude]

As we are gearing up, "Are you going diving?". Nope...just trying on our gear. :angry:

MattleyCrue and I had someone ask us what we saw after a dive at EUWP, we replied "A duck" as one was down there fishing. The look on the guys face was pretty funny.

[Pez7378]

"Did you see any fish?"

"Nope, they all flew south for the winter!"

[dwashbur]

I admit I stole it from Rube Goldberg, but when somebody sees us in our gear and asks "are you going diving?" or a child asks "Are you going in the water?" I like to reply, "No, this is my bowling outfit that I wear to play tennis in an airplane."

[Grateful Diver]

I liked VBCoachChris's answers at the border crossing on the way to Vancouver ...

Border Guard: Where do you live?
VBCC: The United States

Border Guard: And where are you heading?
VBCC: Canada

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

[lurch]

"Is it cold?"

"Nah."

"Are those tanks heavy?"

"Nah."

[E_Mo]

I haven't gotten to use this yet; while we're in full gear, standing next to water, someone comes up and asks "Are you going diving?" my response "Nope, trick or treat" and hold out my hand expecting candy...

[LCF]

Coming out of the water in double 95s at Catfish Sink in Florida, I had two teenaged boys come up to me and say, "Wow, is that stuff heavy?" In answer, I said, "Here, try it on." They took about three steps and looked at me bug-eyed. Rarely does a dumpy 54 year old woman get that much respect from a teenaged boy.

[Pez7378]

I haven't gotten to use this yet; while we're in full gear, standing next to water, someone comes up and asks "Are you going diving?" my response "Nope, trick or treat" and hold out my hand expecting candy...

Zzzzziing!!

[BASSMAN]

I missed a perfect oppurtunity...

While coming out of the water at the end of a dive at Redondo...

A young girl smelling like a wisky bottle came up to us and said,"Are you guys Real Scuba Divers?"

I just said "Yep!" and smiled.

But if I was a little more prepaired I would have said something like. "Nope! We're just pretending!"
or any other 1,000 come backs to that question.




I wan't to be prepaired the next time Tom Nic and I end a dive at the shore in 4 feet of water and when we stood up looking at each other. We heard "Where in the hell did you guys come from!" A very young couple were just getting comfortable or I should say..."hot and heavy" on what they thought was a secluded part of the beach, hidden from the side walk above.
This actually happened at Dickman Mill, dive site on the Tacoma water front.
Actually I think that might have been on April 1st.


If I would have been a little quicker to react, I would have yelled "Hey! Get off my daughter!"

[4ster]

If I would have been a little quicker to react, I would have yelled "Hey! Get off my daughter!"

I just spewed coffee all over my computer - thanks!

Steve

[defied]

If I would have been a little quicker to react, I would have yelled "Hey! Get off my daughter!"

My boss just looked at me funny. He asked, "Are you on that dive site again?"

I told him, "No, I really enjoy my job."

D(B)

[Nwbrewer]

If I would have been a little quicker to react, I would have yelled "Hey! Get off my daughter!"

That or "My turn next!"

[Tom Nic]

If I would have been a little quicker to react, I would have yelled "Hey! Get off my daughter!"

I just spewed coffee all over my computer - thanks!

Steve

This has to rank as one of the funniest experiences I've ever had dving. After a huge jump there was mumbling, fumbling, and adjusting of clothing followed by nervous cursing.

I do wish Keith and I could have been quicker on the trigger, but honestly we were a bit shocked as well! :rr:

[Biodiversity_Guy]

My boss just looked at me funny. He asked, "Are you on that dive site again?"

I told him, "No, I really enjoy my job."

ROFL.

[nwscubamom]

I liked VBCoachChris's answers at the border crossing on the way to Vancouver ...
Border Guard: Where do you live?
VBCC: The United States
Border Guard: And where are you heading?
VBCC: Canada

Imagine the looks WE get when they ask us that question!

Border Guard: Where do you live?
Me: Vancouver

Border Guard: Where are you heading?
Me: Vancouver

[Pez7378]

I liked VBCoachChris's answers at the border crossing on the way to Vancouver ...
Border Guard: Where do you live?
VBCC: The United States
Border Guard: And where are you heading?
VBCC: Canada

Imagine the looks WE get when they ask us that question!

Border Guard: Where do you live?
Me: Vancouver

Border Guard: Where are you heading?
Me: Vancouver

[Ms.Dragsalot]

This is more than a one-liner but funny..

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever.

The diver went below another 20 ft but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him.

This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote,

"I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!"

[H20doctor]

We had a zinger last night.. We dove late at Muk 930pm and when we got out there we 2 guys on something ..the one guy came up to me and Norris .. Dude " so hey man you guys go diving ? "
Me " ya we went for a night dive and He was crabbing ..as I pointed to Mattleycrue"
Dude " wow you guys saw crab .. What did they look like " ?
Me " Um they looked Just like crab "

[dwashbur]

Smallrun did a good one at the Solstice dive. She and my wife were just coming out of the water at Redondo and a group of kids were standing around at the top of the steps. The kids looked down and one of them said "Have you guys been scuba diving?" Smallrun said "No, we've been playing tennis." The kid said "Oh yeah, where's your tennis racket?" She never missed a beat: "I dropped it on the way up and have to go back and get it." By that time I really think the kid believed her!

[Burntchef]

do a search.

[pogiguy05]

I think I got a good one for anyone... next time someone asks are you going scuba diving say NO I am a fireman and we are going to fight an underwater fire,please stand back for your own safety.