Got a recent favorite??? ITS JOKE TIME

[limeyx]

haha

Q. An American lawyer asked, “Paddy, why is it that whenever I ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question?
A. “Who told you that?” asked Paddy.

[limeyx]

hahaha too funny

Q. Definition of an Irish husband?
A. A man who hasn’t kissed his wife in twenty years, but he’ll kill the man who does.

[kat]

there are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who do not.

[limeyx]

there are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who do not.

Heh heh heh, love it

[limeyx]

haha, maybe too off-color

Whats the best part about having kids?
Playing with the box they came in

[blt2go]

Why men shouldn't take phone messages...


(From a note on the fridge) "...Hey Honey, Someone from the Guyna Colleges called, He said your Pabst Beer was in and normal. I thought you didn't like beer!?...

[Linedog]

Two blondes walk into a building. . . . .



Ya think one of them would have seen it.

[Linedog]

A blind guy walks into a store and starts swinging his dog around over his head. A clerk runs up and asks if the man needs help. The blind guy says, no thanks just looking around.

[oldsalt]

A census taker walks into a house. Numerous children surrounded their mother as he starts asking the routine questions. He notices each child seems to be matched with an identical twin. He asks, "Ma'am, did you have twins every time?" She replies, "Oh heavens no. Thousands if times we didn't get anything."

[Wagon173]

What is Helen Keller's favorite color?


-Corduroy

Dude, I almost fell out of my chair laughing at that one! Out of context as it may be, this is the only joke I know.

So there is a battalion of marines walking through a valley on a training mission. A paratrooper pops his head over the ridge line, looks for the commander, and flips him off. The Colonel, not at all amused, sends a squad of Marines up the mountain to kick that Paratroopers ass. He hears thrashing and kicking and screaming for a couple seconds only to see the same Paratrooper pop his head over the ridge and flip him off again. The Colonel is pretty heated now and sends an entire company. More thrashing, more screaming, then dead silence. The Paratroop pops his head over the ridgeline and smiles at the Colonel...then flips him off yet again. The Colonel is furious at this point. He orders the rest of his battalion up the ridge to take care of that good for nothing paratroop at all costs. Kicking and thrashing and blood churning screams fill the valley. The colonel sees nothing but voulchers circling a giant cloud of dust. As the dust settles the Colonel sees one broken and tattered and bloody marine crawling back down the mountain. As he approached his badly wounded Marine, the Marine said, "Sir! Sir, it's a trick! There are two of them!"

[cardiver]

[ArcticDiver]

The Pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The Optimist says the glass is half full.
The Opportunist says Thanks For the Drink.

[Norris]

This smaller dude is in an elevator riding alone, next thing you know this big scary man enters the elevator and the smaller guy looks at him with fear in his eyes..
The large man says with a sigh in his voice..."6 foot 7 inches, 390 pounds, Ben Rover"

The little guy says "EXCUSE ME?!"

The big guy replies "Oh its just that I get reactions and questions from people about my size all the time, so I just clear the air with what I am asked the most.

My height,
My Weight,
and my name, Ben Rover

The little guy replies, very relieved "Oh I thought you said Bend Over!"