6 Days Until I Take the BIG PLUNGE....

finnegankp · Post by **finnegankp** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 12:07 pm

In 6 short days I take the big plunge.... I'm getting HITCHED! --> Did I mention, she's a diver!

Any advice from folks for the happiest marriage?

Linedog · Post by **Linedog** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 12:30 pm

Yes dear.

Nwbrewer · Post by **Nwbrewer** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 12:31 pm

I'm sorry, that was my fault.....

RoxnDox · Post by **RoxnDox** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 12:42 pm

Linedog wrote:Yes dear.

+29 (and counting)... Even though it'll occasionally get you smacked (depending on how you say it), still the best way to preserve the

Jim

Dusty2 · Post by **Dusty2** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 1:00 pm

When you feel like arguing, walk away. The best way to stop an argument is to not start it.

Always remember what you signed up for. Never lose sight of the real #1 priority, your wife. Most marriages fail when we let other priorities become #1.

Gdog · Post by **Gdog** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 1:16 pm

One simple rule: Happy Wife, Happy Life. Simple. Disregard the first part and the second part will never happen.

finnegankp · Post by **finnegankp** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 1:18 pm

All good advice so far!

And glad to see that no one has told me to stop and rethink and run for the hills!

seattlepaul1975 · Post by **seattlepaul1975** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 1:34 pm

Gdog wrote:One simple rule: Happy Wife, Happy Life. Simple. Disregard the first part and the second part will never happen.

I 2nd this one.

Nwbrewer · Post by **Nwbrewer** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 2:02 pm

finnegankp wrote: And glad to see that no one has told me to stop and rethink and run for the hills!

Misery loves company?

spatman · Post by **spatman** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 3:39 pm

finnegankp wrote:Any advice from folks for the happiest marriage?

Just remember: you can be right, or you can be happy.

Congrats!

Bric Martin · Post by **Bric Martin** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 5:55 pm

RUN FOR LIFE!

LCF · Post by **LCF** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 6:02 pm

I've been married 25 years.

Remember that romance and passion may cool with time, but if you were best friends when you married, best friends you will remain.

The things your spouse does that annoy you are easy to see and easy to mention. The things they do that please you or support you or make you smile are easy to overlook. Mention those things. Praise makes a huge difference in how someone feels about herself, and about living with you.

By the same token, if you hear her say that something annoys her or she would like it to change, chances are that the fact it got mentioned means it's a big deal. Stop and think a minute about whether you can make an easy change that will solve the problem. Marriages take adaptation and compromises.

Have things you love to do together. And things you love to do separately. It's a marriage, not a mind-meld.

Above all, don't sweat the small stuff. Time will dish out enough big things you will have to face together (because those things happen to everybody).

My best wishes for at least 25 years with your best friend!

coulterboy · Post by **coulterboy** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 6:56 pm

This whole NWDC board could give you a million advices, but even so, it's still a CRAPSHOOT in marriage.

Best of luck to you, and may you grow old and gray with her. Enjoy your journey in life.

Gdog · Post by **Gdog** » Mon Sep 16, 2013 8:37 pm

Wow. Lynn, where the heck were you when I needed that advice like oh almost 30 yrs ago!

ArcticDiver · Post by **ArcticDiver** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 12:25 am

Congratulations. Best thing I ever did.

oldsalt · Post by **oldsalt** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 9:13 am

I was cruising down the coast on a power boat with three old shipmates. One said, "Curt, we have been talking. How do you stay married to one woman for over 40 years?" Each of them was on his third marriage, and each was determined to make this one work. I didn't have an answer. I just get up each morning, and I am still married. Perhaps, as Tom said, good luck. Or the grace of God. Two things help with marriage, and all of life. First is a sense of gratitude for what you have. Second is a sense of humor. We have had forty-five years of laughter. May you be as blessed.
-Curt

Norris · Post by **Norris** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 10:21 am

I know that others may not agree with this and I didnt read all the others but for ME.

I have been married 8 years, but we have been together 16. In that time we have not ever been in an elevated argument which required raising our voices. When I approach my wife with something that is making me unhappy, I assure that she understands that if changes are made, I am also willing to attack something of mine that gets under her skin, its all about compromise. In addition, I have to agree with LCF, when they mention something is wrong then
If things are really sketchy we agree on this...write it down and allow the other to read it. I usually start with something positive and then get to my gripe, after that I end in something positive such as "I know we can do this, as our love is strong blah blah...
This works for me as it allows me to get everything out I want to say as I am easily distracted when interrupted, asked to clarify or challenged. After it is read, the other person has the option to either write back or speak to it.

We have only had to do this 2-3 times since we have been together.

There is much more to a successful relationship but if this option even helps ONE couple then my work is done.

John Rawlings · Post by **John Rawlings** » Tue Sep 17, 2013 4:17 pm

Well....I would urge both you and your wife to love, cherish and support each other more than anything or anyone else - including the children that you will probably have together.

I'm not saying not to love those children, but to remember that you brought them into the world together and it is only though your spouse that you did so. The two of you should never devote all of your energy toward your kids to the detriment of each other. Over the years it always seemed to me that the couples that gave all of their time and energy to their kids and not anything to each other were the couples that fell apart - you know, the one's whose entire world revolved around their kids' activities at the expense of everything (and everyone, especially each other) else.

The day will come that those children will go off on their own and you do NOT want to be left staring across the table at someone you have neglected for two decades just so that your children could get all of the attention. Trust me - kids will know it if Dad or Mom is "second fiddle" in your home compared to them, and seeing the two of you loving and caring for each other no matter what will go a long way toward them finding a great relationship themselves when it comes time.

Giving all of your attention to the kids "for the sake of the kids" does not do them any favors - it simply breeds spoiled brats as well as a spouse feeling under-appreciated and unloved..

My wife and I have never made any bones about it - she is my top category, and I am her's. Our kids would be the first ones to tell you that. We have been married for 32 years and together for 35, we've been through Hell and back together, raised 2 children and now have 2 grandchildren....we still hold hands, whisper "sweet nothings" in each other's ears, and I would marry her again TOMORROW.

- John

oldsalt · Post by **oldsalt** » Wed Sep 18, 2013 3:45 pm

Well said John. We found the empty nest hard at first, but we still had each other. What a gift that is.
-Curt

Scubak · Post by **Scubak** » Thu Sep 19, 2013 12:43 am

What a delightful and refreshing thread to read!!!
Beats the Starbucks Thread on FB today by a long shot!
Thanks,
Kirsten

ArcticDiver · Post by **ArcticDiver** » Fri Sep 20, 2013 1:38 am

My wife and I are on Oahu so I can test my progress and to give us a break from a very stressful time. We were talking about this very thing. how we've been married 51 years when so many have fallen by the wayside.. Her answer was that we are a partnership. We are One. Everything we do is for the benefit of Us. We are a Team. We have found what works for us.

A key is that we are each independent financially and in our careers. We are together because we want to be not out of need.

Northwest Dive Club

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