How many people does it take to circumcise a whale?
Four skin divers.
How To Fail Your Open Water Test.
a. Tell your instructor you will race him to the surface.
b. Lie face down and motionless while holding your breath.
c. Loudly proclaim that safety stops are for "wossies".
d. Show up with a set of tables based on your own algorithm "that's WAY
better".
e. Spit in your wetsuit and pee in your mask.
f. Ask your instructor, which fin goes on which foot.
g. Tell your instructor there is no way you can lift a cylinder with 2000
pounds of air in it.
h. When asked for your dive plan, you hand over a bundle of travel
brochures.
What Not To Say On A Dive Boat
a. "Can I keep this coral your anchor broke off?"
b. "Buddy? Oh, did I go down with a buddy?"
c. "Can someone lend me a computer, mine keeps flashing 'DECO VIOLATION'?"
d. "Does anyone else smell smoke?"
e. "What do I do with this bucket of vomit?"
f. "Is that your mask under my tank?"
Ok - I know were not supposed to ditz an agency but I'm hoping the moderators will grant a little leeway here.
Three instructors and their students are on board a dive boat in the middle of the ocean. There is a NAUI instructor, a PADI instructor, and an SSI instructor. Everything is going fine until the boat springs a leak and starts to sink. The SSI instructor says to his students, "Okay, we're in the middle of the ocean, so we might as well do our deep dive." The NAUI instructor says to his students, "Okay, we might as well do our navigation dive, so let's get our compasses out and swim towards shore." The PADI instructor says to his students, "Okay, for $25 extra you guys get to do a wreck dive!"