Got a recent favorite??? ITS JOKE TIME

[eliseaboo]

A magician was driving down the street and he turned into a driveway.

[SeanKylgod]

a neutron walks into a bar and asks "how much for a drink" the bartender replies "for you, no charge"

Some helium floats into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gases in here!". The helium doesn't react.

2 atoms are walking down the street when they bump into each other.
atom 1: are you ok?
atom2: yeah, but I think I lost an electron.
atom1: are you sure?
atom2: yeah, I'm positive.

[SeanKylgod]

I literally laughed so hard that I started crying

Sent to me by my mother, a fellow diver . . .

An American tourist asks an Irishman: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

To which the Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the fuckin’ boat."

[oldsalt]

Four pastors were discussing religion while playning golf. It becomes heated. They decide to vote on it. The vote is three to one. The lone voter pleads to God, "Lord, I know I'm right. Please...Give them a sign." The heavens crash with sound, the sky parts, and a voice booms, "He's right!" One of the others says,"Well, I guess that makes it 3 to 2."
-Curt

[SeanKylgod]

What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
I have no I-Deer

[LCF]

In his later years, Gandhi, who had made his living by hard labor, became malnourished and developed severe dental decay. This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.

[SeanKylgod]

It's gonna take great restraint to NOT tell this one before Dharma on friday..

In his later years, Gandhi, who had made his living by hard labor, became malnourished and developed severe dental decay. This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.

[SeanKylgod]

Why don't blind people skydive?


It scares the sh!t out of the dog.

[limeyx]

We don't server neutrinos here.
Two neutrinos walk into a bar.

[limeyx]

What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
I have no I-Deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs ?
Still no eye-deer

[SeanKylgod]

hahahha that's even funnier than the first bit of it. Which makes my joke < yours... ='(

=P

we really do need a rim-shot smiley... *<------AHEM!COUGH!MODERATORSLOOKATTHIS-----<=<*

[LCF]

OMG, Nick gets the geek joke award of the year for that one!

[limeyx]

OMG, Nick gets the geek joke award of the year for that one!

Heh heh heh. Wish I could take credit but ....

http://onpoint.wbur.org/2011/09/28/coll ... rino-jokes

[Joshua Smith]

OMG, Nick gets the geek joke award of the year for that one!

ROFL! It was great, but I'm also a sucker for horrible puns like yours, Lynne!

[SeanKylgod]

in all fairness, Nick; you quoted it first. I don't think to many one-liners are super original, though your honesty is admirable. I applaud you, good sir :queenliz: <--- IS there NO male version of this? No snooty king? Now whenever I want to give a pretentious resonance to my text, I will immediately sound far from heterosexual.... then again, I just said "resonance".


I'm giving up for now.

time to go take daffodils to my pony :angry:

OMG, Nick gets the geek joke award of the year for that one!

Heh heh heh. Wish I could take credit but ....

http://onpoint.wbur.org/2011/09/28/coll ... rino-jokes

[limeyx]

Heh heh heh
I like jokes but I am terrible at telling them in person.
Maybe I will look up some good "Englishman/Irishman/Scotsman jokes

[SeanKylgod]

that irishman/scuba boat one literally had me laughing for the better part of an hour

Heh heh heh
I like jokes but I am terrible at telling them in person.
Maybe I will look up some good "Englishman/Irishman/Scotsman jokes

[limeyx]

that irishman/scuba boat one literally had me laughing for the better part of an hour

Heh heh heh
I like jokes but I am terrible at telling them in person.
Maybe I will look up some good "Englishman/Irishman/Scotsman jokes

[limeyx]

What do you call a fish with no eyes ????









Fsssssssssssssssh
(that was bad)

[SeanKylgod]

what do gay horses eat?

HAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

What do you call a fish with no eyes ????









Fsssssssssssssssh
(that was bad)

[oldsalt]

okay limeyx, you asked for it.

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman were drinking in a pub. A fly landed in the Englishman's beer. Grossed out, the Englishman pushes the beer away and says, " Innkeeper, will you bring me another beer?" The Irishman calmly reaches across, grabs the beer, flicks the fly out, and downs the beer. The Scotsman grabs the fly by the leg, holds it over his own beer and shouts, "Alright, spit it out!"

A British cruise ship runs aground and all the crew and passengers were marooned on an island. Weeks later rescuers found that the Scots had built a still, the Welsh had formed a choir, the Irish were fighting among themselves, and the English were standing around waiting to be introduced.

And, more timely, what's the quickest way to evacuate a sinking Italian cruise ship?...Follow the captain.

[Joshua Smith]

okay limeyx, you asked for it.

An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman were drinking in a pub. A fly landed in the Englishman's beer. Grossed out, the Englishman pushes the beer away and says, " Innkeeper, will you bring me another beer?" The Irishman calmly reaches across, grabs the beer, flicks the fly out, and downs the beer. The Scotsman grabs the fly by the leg, holds it over his own beer and shouts, "Alright, spit it out!"

A British cruise ship runs aground and all the crew and passengers were marooned on an island. Weeks later rescuers found that the Scots had built a still, the Welsh had formed a choir, the Irish were fighting among themselves, and the English were standing around waiting to be introduced.

And, more timely, what's the quickest way to evacuate a sinking Italian cruise ship?...Follow the captain.

Rofl! I love all of these!

[eliseaboo]

What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
I have no I-Deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs ?
Still no eye-deer

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no genitals?

...


...


Still no f&$^ing eye-dear

[SeanKylgod]

Mickey goes to a divorce judge about getting a divorce with Minney. The judge says "I'm sorry Mickey but I couldn't find grounds for divorce simply for her being insane.."
Mickey looks stunned and says "I didn't say she was insane I said she was fuc**** Goofy!"

[limeyx]

heh heh heh