Those of you who've been trapped in a car with me, or have witnessed my, shall we say, unusual behavior on surface intervals, will be pleased to know that I've actually received a diagnosis-Nitrogen Psychosis!
Nitrogen Psychosis is unpredictable behavior that is caused by higher-than-normal residual partial pressures of Nitrogen acting on the soft tissues in the brain. Similar in function to "'roid rage," but without the aggressive tendencies. Also referred to as "the twistys," NP can be treated by repeat dives to the point of exhaustion, or complete abstinence from diving. Sometimes, solid food can mitigate some of the more obnoxious symptoms, which include ceaselessly quoting Monty Python, impersonating a variety of cartoon characters, and sudden outbursts of TV show theme songs (although the test subject in the study also suffered from what can only be termed "Musical Tourette's Syndrome.") In a worst-case outbreak, sedate subject with grain alcohol, and force them to wash your dive gear.
OK, so this isn't a real medical condition, but come dive with me and find out that I'm not even close to joking around about this!
